There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
