i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Randomize
