So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
