He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
The air was thick with penises
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize