I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
