i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
