I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
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