I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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