found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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