There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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