just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
