Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Randomize
