a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
