she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
