Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
