I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
