Moan for me like Helen Keller
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
