I think my fart just growled at me.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
