she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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