So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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