remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
