She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
