A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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