Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
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Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
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Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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