shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
