I cannot find my penis.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize