Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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