Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Randomize
