So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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