i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
