I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
My vagina is officially offended.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
