felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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