i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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