i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
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