I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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