Just mADE A PArabola og urine
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
