I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
