Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
