Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Randomize
