The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
