I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
