You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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