He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
