I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
