If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
