: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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