i just identified you from a description of your pipe
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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