I feel like I'm in dance class right now
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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