FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I think a kid would responsible me up
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
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