I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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