So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
only you would photoshop your dick
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
