it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize
