I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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