i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
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i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
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Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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