I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
