I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
