If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
