I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
