oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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