after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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