I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
