They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
