I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
